ahahahaha i just laughed so good cause my bestfriend remembers more than me agh maybe it’ll come to me soon enough but she even said i stuck my ass outta her car & peed , we were peeing all over the place !

fuck why does the weather have to define my whole mood today! i really just wanna lay here all day but i can’t , can i live? well no i lived a lot last night ha, but i shouldn’t have drank so much maybe i should shower again or sleep a litttle bit more ; oh no wait i’m on my way to the valley! how lovely.. well it is lovely in a way i guess i love the road but mmm i just wanna be in bed just chillin’ lol wish i had a robot to clean up my room but ugh i’m just so blaahh! well not blah just emotional hmm early saturday indeed

i literally woke up thinking i was dreaming & so thankful that i had lemonade next to me. ha you learn something new everyday, like how sleeping with a trashcan next to your bed is sucha dead give away! damn i don’t think when i’m drunk.. well i found out my dad cares a lot ha he came into my room & had no clue i was here - he even asked wtf was i doing here.. then of course asked me if i got ‘plastered’ everything he was saying was so funny that i’m still laughing two hours later! maybe its cause i’m still drunk two hours later, but he was really worried i thought it was 5am when he woke me up or maybe i was seeing double. i told him what i did & i didn’t remember certain things & he really said i was deteriorating my brain cells. i told him he really watches too much tv but he thinks i’m gonna die soon from all my alcohol intake .. i really love the relationship that we have cause i’m honest, & even though he may not like what i say at least i’m not playing a role like i’m a fucking saint , i always tell him that like yes he’s my dad but i’d rather die with him knowing me then to be wondering.. idk i’m weird but wtf its gonna be 10 soon & it feels like 7am still!!

see why i don’t like planning!? shit is so much more fun & after last night , VERY INTENSE! okay so i wanted keyword ‘wanted’ to get drunk but i wasn’t planning on doing so! agh basketball game was cool/chill/agh whatever! we talked shit like old times i watched you play like old times, shit sometimes old times are the best of times ha, i tried a 40 old english for the first time & let me tell you! —it is 9am & i’m still drunk! well i didn’t have to pee until i finished it ha then i was peeing everywhere !! & calling everyone well okay not everyone - just chelsea & jasmine, & chelsea probably thinks i’m fucking crazy!!! agh what did i say to her? hmm well i know what i said to jasmine- mmkay well back to my wild friday, okay well theenn i made my bestfriend drive around palmdale drunk agh yes i was that desperate to see jasmine, but i failed miserably, i cried so much after ugh & before ha yuup P A T H E T I C , well maybe i’m what ms. hardcastle told me last night ‘human’ eh makes sense.. well then i had the whole car crying YES EVEN RICHELLE! that’s how you know shit got real cause out of the 5 years we’ve been bestfriends- me or chris have never seen her cry… but it was one of those ‘i hate to see you this hurt’ cries.. but i kept saying ‘crying eases the pain’ & i already knew something was up with chris cause were bestfriends i don’t have to wonder -i just knew.. well then we went to jack in the box & i wasted my life cause like not even 10 minutes later or 5 i threw up EVERYTHING i ate , & that was like my 5th time throwing up! agh i hate that i can throw up when i’m really upset.. then i went home & made so much noise & my dad didn’t even wake up! i don’t know how i did it but i showered & all that, then of course i passed out & woke up to 6 missed calls & idk how many texts buut my dad was indeed worried !

well yesterday i had a lot to say i even planned it out in my head, i tend to do that sometimes, eeeerrr maybe i just think too much.. i even rushed a little bit & cut my armpit shaving yes i know i’m pathetic lol, well then i waited .. i know she’s never on time so i even waited till 2:15, my dumb ass thought someone was at the door too.. hmm just like - pause ooo *deep gut feeling*, (siiiggghh) just like july 11th never came neither did 2 o’clock :/, but i really tried last night so i guess its okay? agh idk what’s okay anymore ..